Tossing and Tortured 'Till Dawn

I come back to you now, at the turn of the tide.

Sunday, April 02, 2006

Applicability of Gas Mileage?

This guy in my apartment complex drives what I call the “penis truck.” It’s a massive F-437500000, with a long bed and four doors. According to ford, this makes it 21 feet, 10 inches long. He uses this “beast of burden” to drive round suburbia, terrorize the neighbors, and generally annoy everyone by blatantly taking up two parking spaces, plus most of the area for other people to drive through to get to THEIR spaces. I have some eggs that are probably a little old in the ‘fridge. Maybe in a week or two, they’ll find a new home.

In any event, I wondered with sick curiosity what sort of gas mileage the thing might get. So I hopped on over to Ford’s website to have a look. You can find all sorts of information on these trucks, from their “Ramp breakover angle,” to the number of main bearings in the huge engines they pack. And fuel economy? Well, they put a line for it in there. It reads “not applicable.”

Whaddya mean, not applicable? They use fuel, don’t they? They have an economy, or lack thereof, don’t they? With a 38-gallon tank, a fillup at today’s local prices would run Mister Penis Truck a few pennies under a Benjamin. But, I suppose that isn’t applicable either.

Central time

I’ve got cable television for the first time in years, mostly to watch OLN’s ”Cyclysm Sundays.” Why, it’s a cataclysm of cycling! But what’s with Central time? I noticed that, any time they list a show’s air time, it’s something in the format of “8 pm / 9 pm central.” A closer look reveals they often standardize prime-time, non-live shows across the nation, so the same show is on at 8:00 nationwide. Except in central.

The continental US contains 4 time zones. Earliest to latest, it’s Pacific, Mountain, Central, and Eastern. Why is it that the second-to-latest one always shows things just a little later than everyone else?

I don’t understand. Perhaps there’s some sort of reason.

Giro d’where?

Watching the aforementioned cycling, OLN reminded us to check out their coverage of the Giro d’Italia, coming up next month.

For those who don’t know, there are three “grand tours” each year in cycling, all 3 weeks long, with two rest days. There’s the Giro d’Italia (Tour of Italy) in May, the Tour de France in July, and the Vuelta a Espana (Tour of Spain). They called the Giro d’Italia “Italy’s Tour de France.”
What do you mean, Italy’s tour of France? I think it’s Italy’s tour of Italy, myself. Okay, okay, so La Gazzetta Dello Sport probably drew some inspiration from Henri Desgrange and company when they got this little party started, but, that was in 1909. I think the Giro can stand on its own feet (wheels?) by now, don’t you?

Aside – I don’t know the code to print the N + ~ character in Spanish, and don’t have the energy to bother finding out just now. Lo siento, hispanohablantes.


  • At 11:29 AM , Blogger ryan said...


    Is this a reference to that crazy dream I had in high school where I had to fight my way onto a ridiculously huge Ford truck which if it were in a video game would have several walkable frames? Do you remember that dream? I called it the F-3million dream, but I think the decal on the truck in my dream actually had more numbers than seven, but in actuality they were probably like F-TriangleSquigglylineGoogleplexAsteriskLittleravenandcanopicjarChinesedragonkanjiEtcEtcHippoinabathtub.

  • At 10:43 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    I tried to look up the fuel economy of a Hummer and it also said NA...I was so disappointed by it...I knew it was some horribly low number. I like your site and yeah, I live in central time and I have no idea why shows would be on later. If I ever find out, I'll let you know. :)

  • At 12:01 PM , Blogger ryan said...

    Meant to say this previously, but while I was in Montana, in the dreaded Mountain timezone, things typically came on at 9 that would otherwise be at 8. Not everything, but enough that you could count on it. I just assumed it was because Montana was too low-tech to have it's own proper re-airings for the timezone, so they just piggy-backed whatever Pacific was showing at the same time. It's possible that they do this because not all places in Mountain and Central actually use Daylight Savings Time, though I have no rationale for why that would be.

    Mostly I just thought it was awesome. If you're into TV, you get an extra hour of it. Nowadays though I only watch about as much TV in a week as I used to watch in a night.


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