Tossing and Tortured 'Till Dawn

I come back to you now, at the turn of the tide.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Pet Peeve of the Day:

PowerBars, and, Chris Carmichael

PowerBars lose out for three reasons: First of all, they've recently changed their ingredients to include quite a bit of high-fructose corn syrup. While they claim this is somehow to please consumers, everyone knows that this highly-processed, corn-derived stuff has one main advantage: it's dirt cheap. I'm not going to get too much into the mess right now, but if you want to poke around, you'll find plenty of research showing that this stuff is horrible for you.

Energy bars are not cheap. Powerbars aren't any cheaper than Clif bars, and instead of HFCS, they use Organic Brown Rice syrup -- in fact, the whole Clif bar is certified organic.

Whether you think that Organic matters or no, the second reason that the sticky, nasty HFCS-dominated powerbars suck is that they're only edible in a 10-degree window. If you can get the stupid wrapper off.

Under 60 degrees, and a powerbar is a brick. You'll break your teeth trying to tuck into this thing; you may as well be chomping an ice cube.

Over 70 degrees, and a powerbar is jelly. You'd do better to punch a hole in the wrapper and find yourself a straw. Useless!

Finally, I get sick of cram it down your throat marketing strategies.

If you've read ROAD magazine, you'll find a monthly training column by Chris Carmichael, mostly famous for having a marketing campaign with -- er, "coaching," -- one Lance Armstrong.

This month's article discusses sports nutrtition: what to eat when, that kind of thing. Of course, there are many energy drinks and bars, but rather than "drink some sports drink," he advises on how much PowerBar Endurance one ought to drink. Same with substituting PowerBar Performance for "energy bar."

Blah, blah, blah.

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